Step Two, Week One: November 8th, 2023

Reading assignment:

Yellow workbook pages 44 – 50 OR Big Red Book (BRB) pages 130 – 135

Recommended weekly reading:

“The Laundry List” or “The Problem,” “The Solution,” and “The Promises” on pages 587-591 of the Red Book or in the first several pages of the yellow workbook;

“The Twelve Steps” on pages 91-92 of the Red Book (also on pages 1-2 of the workbook); and

“The Twelve Traditions” on page 592 of the Red Book

Suggested supplemental reading:

Tradition Eleven (the tradition for the month of November) in depth starting on page 549 of the BRB

The Step Two chapter of “A Codependent’s Guide To The Twelve Steps” by Melody Beattie (available used on Amazon.com for around $4.00 USD.)* See ACAWSO’s Literature Policy: “It has always been accepted that ACA should remain eclectic in choosing literature. That is, ACA meetings may draw from various sources without censorship.”

“Days of Healing, Days of Joy: Daily Meditations for Adult Children” by Earnie Larson and Carol Larson Hegarty (available used on Amazon.com for around $4.00 USD.)* See ACAWSO’s Literature Policy: “It has always been accepted that ACA should remain eclectic in choosing literature. That is, ACA meetings may draw from various sources without censorship.”

This week’s step study questions are found on pages 50 – 51 of the yellow workbook under the heading “Step Two Questions and Directions”:

What is my definition of insanity?
Am I recreating my family-of-origin dynamics of fear, excitement and pain in my current relationships? Am I setting up my own abandonment?
Am I reenacting my family system through my current relationships? While this feels “normal,” or familiar, is this a form of insanity?
Were my responses to the abuse in my family insanity or a defense mechanism?
Did I daydream or dissociate to escape my family abuse, neglect or indifference?
What did my parents say or do to undermine my reality when I complained about abuse or inappropriate behavior?

“Copyrighted by Adult Children of Alcoholics World Service Organization.”

Deep Dive questions:

A. What is my concept of a Higher Power at this time?

B. What would it take to allow my concept of my Higher Power to change?

C. What does it feel like to ask something greater than yourself for help?

D. If you already believe in a God, write him/her a letter asking for help, guidance, and peace. If you don’t believe in a God, write a letter to the universe. Share your letter as you are willing.

E. How have your ideas changed about what it means to be restored to sanity? Have your expectations about recovery changed? What do you expect from recovery now that is different from what you expected when you first began recovering?

Step One, Week Eight: November 1st, 2023

Reading assignment:

Yellow workbook pages 22 – 25 OR Big Red Book (BRB) pages 121 — 127

Recommended weekly reading:

“The Laundry List” or “The Problem,” “The Solution,” and “The Promises” on pages 587-591 of the Red Book or in the first several pages of the yellow workbook;

“The Twelve Steps” on pages 91-92 of the Red Book (also on pages 1-2 of the workbook); and

“The Twelve Traditions” on page 592 of the Red Book

Suggested supplemental reading:

The first 100 pages of the ACA Red Book (to be read over several weeks)

BRB (Red Book) Chapter 7

Tradition Eleven (the tradition for the month of November) in depth starting on page 549 of the BRB

The Step One chapter of “A Codependent’s Guide To The Twelve Steps” by Melody Beattie (available used on Amazon.com for around $4.00 USD.)* See ACAWSO’s Literature Policy: “It has always been accepted that ACA should remain eclectic in choosing literature. That is, ACA meetings may draw from various sources without censorship.”

This week’s step study questions are found on page 33 of the yellow workbook under the heading “Powerlessness and Surrender”:

What am I powerless over in Step One?
What does surrender mean to me?
If I surrender does that mean I will have no choices?
Am I willing to admit my family is dysfunctional?
Am I willing to admit I am powerless over the effects of growing up in a dysfunctional home and that my life is unmanageable?

ALSO SEE: Pages 34-43 of the yellow workbook, to be completed over our several weeks of Step One work.

“Copyrighted by Adult Children of Alcoholics World Service Organization.”

Deep Dive questions:

A. What does powerlessness mean to you today?

B. What situations in my life have returned me to Step One?

C. What tools of our program do I use to find serenity when my life becomes unmanageable?

Step One, Week Seven: October 25th, 2023

Reading assignment:

Yellow workbook pages 26 – 27; Red Book pages 22 – 23 and 27 – 34

Recommended weekly reading:

“The Laundry List” or “The Problem,” “The Solution,” and “The Promises” on pages 587-591 of the Red Book or in the first several pages of the yellow workbook;

“The Twelve Steps” on pages 91-92 of the Red Book (also on pages 1-2 of the workbook); and

“The Twelve Traditions” on page 592 of the Red Book

Suggested supplemental reading:

The first 100 pages of the ACA Red Book (to be read over several weeks)

BRB (Red Book) Chapter 7

Tradition Ten (the tradition for the month of October) in depth starting on page 538 of the BRB

“Days of Healing, Days of Joy: Daily Meditations for Adult Children” by Earnie Larsen and Carol Larsen Hegarty (available used on Amazon.com for around $4.00 USD.)* See ACAWSO’s Literature Policy: “It has always been accepted that ACA should remain eclectic in choosing literature. That is, ACA meetings may draw from various sources without censorship.”

This week’s step study questions are found on page 32 of the yellow workbook under the heading “Denial”:

5. Did I fight with my brothers or sisters? Did I resent them? Did I protect them?

6. Do I say I am close to brothers or sisters but rarely visit them or talk to them?

7. Am I afraid to talk about my past because my siblings will challenge me or try to undermine my memories? They have told me to “Get over it.”

8. Do I minimize my parents’ behavior by saying “That was in the past. What is done is done.” Or, “I don’t look back. It does no good.”

ALSO SEE: Pages 34-43 of the yellow workbook, to be completed over our several weeks of Step One work.

“Copyrighted by Adult Children of Alcoholics World Service Organization.”

Deep Dive questions:

A. Who or what in your life is making you feel crazy and causing you stress? Who do you feel victimized by? Who do you feel is now controlling you, your emotions, or some other area of your life? What situations, feelings, or realities have you been running from, denying, or avoiding?

B. What would you have to face in your own life if you stopped trying to control someone or something? What might happen if you stopped allowing someone or something to control you?

C. Who do you most want to say something to? Why do you feel you can’t say it?

D. Are you able to identify any relationships that need to be significantly modified – including ending them – based on their effects on you? Which ones would you modify, in what ways, and why?

Step One, Week Six: October 18th, 2023

Reading assignment:

Yellow workbook pages 26 – 27; Red Book pages 22 – 23 and 27 – 34

Recommended weekly reading:

“The Laundry List” or “The Problem,” “The Solution,” and “The Promises” on pages 587-591 of the Red Book or in the first several pages of the yellow workbook;

“The Twelve Steps” on pages 91-92 of the Red Book (also on pages 1-2 of the workbook); and

“The Twelve Traditions” on page 592 of the Red Book

Suggested supplemental reading:

The first 100 pages of the ACA Red Book (to be read over several weeks)

BRB (Red Book) Chapter 7

Tradition Ten (the tradition for the month of October) in depth starting on page 538 of the BRB

This week’s step study questions are found on pages 31 – 32 of the yellow workbook under the heading “Denial”:

Was I forced to depend upon an abusive or neglectful parent for food and shelter?
Did I ignore my feelings of shame, fear and neglect to survive my childhood?
Did I monitor my parents’ feelings or moods to determine how I should feel? Was I only happy when my parents were happy and sad when they were sad? (List an example.)
Am I honest about how my parents treated me when I was growing up? Did I fear one parent or both parents?
ALSO SEE: Pages 34-43 of the yellow workbook, to be completed over our several weeks of Step One work.

Deep Dive questions:

A. What is the first age you remember emotional abuse taking place? What was the pattern, and who was doing it?

B. How did you cope with the emotional abuse? Do you remember what you told yourself about it?

C. How did the abuser’s actions and words make you feel about yourself?

D. In thinking about emotional abuse, how does ignoring it, denying it, or accepting it lead to perpetuating it in your own life?

Step One, Week Five: October 11th, 2023

Reading assignment:

Yellow workbook pages 9-10 OR Big Red Book (BRB) pages 104-106

Red Book pages 573-575, the “Cross Talk” through “Fixing Others” paragraphs

Recommended weekly reading:

“The Laundry List” or “The Problem,” “The Solution,” and “The Promises” on pages 587-591 of the Red Book or in the first several pages of the yellow workbook;

“The Twelve Steps” on pages 91-92 of the Red Book (also on pages 1-2 of the workbook); and

“The Twelve Traditions” on page 592 of the Red Book

Suggested supplemental reading:

The “What is Codependence?” link on the FAQS page on www.coda.org

The first 100 pages of the ACA Red Book (to be read over several weeks)

BRB (Red Book) Chapter 7

Tradition Ten (the tradition for the month of October) in depth starting on page 538 of the BRB

The Step One chapter of “A Codependent’s Guide To The Twelve Steps” by Melody Beattie (to be read over several weeks; available used on Amazon.com for around $4.00 USD.)* See ACAWSO’s Literature Policy: “It has always been accepted that ACA should remain eclectic in choosing literature. That is, ACA meetings may draw from various sources without censorship.”

This week’s step study questions are found on pages 30-31 of the yellow workbook “Twelve Steps of Adult Children” under the heading “Unmanageable”:

8. Has my behavior and thinking affected my job performance or my ability to relate to others?

9. What is my ACA “bottom” or bottoming out? Have I hit my bottom?

10. Has an obsession for another person, drugs, gambling, food or sex made my life unmanageable?

11. Is my manageable life actually controlling behavior, which I have mislabeled? (List an example.)

12. Am I in denial about my controlling behavior?

13. Can I recover alone?

14. Do I relate to other adult children in meetings? How?

ALSO SEE: Pages 34-43 of the yellow workbook, to be completed over our several weeks of Step One work.

“Copyrighted by Adult Children of Alcoholics World Service Organization.”

Deep Dive questions:

A. In what ways does denial hamper my ability to let go of people, places, and situations?

B. How does Step One help me to let go of misplaced blame and undeserved shame?

C. What signs do I see that indicate I’m in denial?

D. When do I know I’ve done enough?

E. What does surrender mean? Why do I need to surrender? Over what do I need to surrender?

Step One, Week Four: October 4th, 2023

Reading assignment:

Yellow workbook pages 9-10 OR Big Red Book (BRB) pages 104-106

Red Book pages 573-575, the “Cross Talk” through “Fixing Others” paragraphs

Recommended weekly reading:

“The Laundry List” or “The Problem,” “The Solution,” and “The Promises” on pages 587-591 of the Red Book or in the first several pages of the yellow workbook;

“The Twelve Steps” on pages 91-92 of the Red Book (also on pages 1-2 of the workbook); and

“The Twelve Traditions” on page 592 of the Red Book

Suggested supplemental reading:

The “New to CODA?” link on www.coda.org, which opens a document titled “Am I Codependent?”

The first 100 pages of the ACA Red Book (to be read over several weeks)

BRB (Red Book) Chapter 7

Tradition Ten (the tradition for the month of October) in depth starting on page 538 of the BRB

This week’s step study questions are found on page 30 of the yellow workbook “Twelve Steps of Adult Children” under the heading “Unmanageable”:

What is my definition of being unmanageable or having an unmanageable life?
Do I think I can still control people, places, and things by acting right, perfect, or otherwise?
Do I think I have power over other people and can control their actions and thoughts?
Am I letting the thoughts, feelings and actions of others have power over me? (List an example if applicable.)
Do I allow the feelings or possible reactions of others to control me or to determine my behavior and choices? (List an example.)
What does it mean to be codependent?
Have my relationships created chaos, abuse, or predictable turmoil in my life? (List an example.

ALSO SEE: Pages 34-43 of the yellow workbook, to be completed over our several weeks of Step One work.

“Copyrighted by Adult Children of Alcoholics World Service Organization”

Deep Dive questions:

A. How do I know when my life is unmanageable?

B. How have I sought approval and affirmation from others?

C. Do I say “yes” when I want to say “no”? What happens to my ability to manage my life when I do this?

D. Do I take care of others easily, but find it difficult to care for myself? How well do I take care of myself?

E. Do I trust my own feelings? Do I know what they are?

Step One, Week Three: September 27th, 2023

Reading assignment:

Yellow workbook pages 7-9 OR Big Red Book (BRB) pages 101-104

Red Book pages 573-575, the “Cross Talk” through “Fixing Others” paragraphs

Recommended weekly reading:

“The Laundry List” or “The Problem,” “The Solution,” and “The Promises” on pages 587-591 of the Red Book or in the first several pages of the yellow workbook;

“The Twelve Steps” on pages 91-92 of the Red Book (also on pages 1-2 of the workbook); and

“The Twelve Traditions” on page 592 of the Red Book

Suggested supplemental reading:

The first 100 pages of the ACA Red Book (to be read over several weeks)

BRB (Red Book) Chapter 7

Tradition Nine (the tradition for the month of September) in depth starting on page 532 of the BRB

This week’s step study questions are found on page 29 of the yellow workbook “Twelve Steps of Adult Children” under the heading “Powerlessness”:

7. Am I powerless over the effects of growing up in an addicted or dysfunctional family?

8. Do I use food, sex, drugs, alcohol, work, gambling or some other addictive behavior to an extreme? Am I powerless over these activities? (Give an example of powerlessness.)

9. Do I think I can change my parents or significant other by acting right, saying the right thing, or being perfect?

10. Do I think I caused my parent’s addiction and dysfunction and that I have the power to change it or control it?

11. Have I acted like a victim and acted helpless when in reality I was manipulating others to get what I thought I needed? Have I been rescued? (List an example.)

12. Have I been driven by a compulsion or obsession for another person that overpowers me and causes me to deny my own needs or take care of myself? (If so, detail how you denied your own needs.)

ALSO SEE: Pages 34-43 of the yellow workbook, to be completed over our several weeks of Step One work.

“Copyrighted by Adult Children of Alcoholics World Service Organization.”

Deep Dive questions:

A. What keeps me holding on to the illusion that I have the power to change someone else?

B. In what ways do I continue to struggle with powerlessness?

C. How have your own addictions or compulsions diminished your life? Your health?

D. How have your relationships been affected by your own addictions, compulsions, and/or controlling/codependent behavior?

Step One Week Two: September 20th, 2023

Step One, Week Two: September 20^th, 2023

Reading assignment:

Yellow workbook pages 7-9 OR Big Red Book (BRB) pages 101-104

Red Book pages 573-575, the “Cross Talk” through “Fixing Others” paragraphs

Recommended weekly reading:

“The Laundry List” or “The Problem,” “The Solution,” and “The Promises” on pages 587-591 of the Red Book or in the first several pages of the yellow workbook;

“The Twelve Steps” on pages 91-92 of the Red Book (also on pages 1-2 of the workbook); and

“The Twelve Traditions” on page 592 of the Red Book

Suggested supplemental reading:

The first 100 pages of the ACA Red Book (to be read over several weeks)

BRB (Red Book) Chapter 7

Tradition Nine (the tradition for the month of September) in depth starting on page 532 of the BRB

This week’s step study questions are found on pages 28-29 of the yellow workbook “Twelve Steps of Adult Children” under the heading “Powerlessness”:

How is powerlessness different than helplessness?
Do I understand that the effects of family dysfunction mentioned in Step One are the Laundry List traits?
List three effects of growing up in an alcoholic, addicted, or dysfunctional home. (Hint: any of the 14 common ACA traits.)
What was my role growing up in my dysfunctional home: lost child, hero, scapegoat, and rescuer? Other _____________________________
How many of the common ACA traits of an adult child do I identify with in the Laundry List/Problem?
What does “don’t talk, don’t trust, don’t feel” mean?

ALSO SEE: Pages 34-43 of the yellow workbook, to be completed over our several weeks of Step One work.

Deep Dive questions:

A. What brought me into ACA? What did I hope to gain at that time? How have my expectations changed?

B. Who has expressed concern about my behavior? My health? My children? Give examples.

C. Do I trust my own feelings? Do I know what they are?

D. What is the difference between being powerless and being empowered?

E. When I let go of others, how am I then empowered? How does this make my life manageable?

Step One Week One: September 13th, 2023

Reading assignment:

Yellow workbook pages 4-7 and 20-27 OR Big Red Book (BRB) Chapter 7;

Red Book pages 573-575, the “Cross Talk” through “Fixing Others” paragraphs

Recommended weekly reading:

“The Laundry List” or “The Problem,” “The Solution,” and “The Promises” on pages 587-591 of the Red Book or in the first several pages of the yellow workbook;

“The Twelve Steps” on pages 91-92 of the Red Book (also on pages 1-2 of the workbook); and

“The Twelve Traditions” on page 592 of the Red Book

Suggested supplemental reading:

The first 100 pages of the ACA Red Book (to be read over several weeks)

Tradition Nine (the tradition for the month of September) in depth starting on page 532 of the BRB

“Days of Healing, Days of Joy: Daily Meditations for Adult Children” by Earnie Larson and Carol Larson Hegarty (available used on Amazon.com for around $4.00 USD.)

This week’s step study questions are found on pages 27-28 of the yellow workbook “Twelve Steps of Adult Children” under the heading “Step One Questions”:

Who was the alcoholic or addicted parent in my family?
Who was the hypochondriac parent or person in my family?
Who was the sexually abusive parent or person in my family?
Who was the militaristic, rigidly harsh parent or person in my family?
Who was the emotionally ill parent or person in my family?
Who was the perfectionistic parent or person in my family?

ALSO SEE: Pages 34-43 of the yellow workbook, to be completed over our several weeks of Step One work.

“Copyrighted by Adult Children of Alcoholics World Service Organization.”

Deep Dive Questions (for meeting veterans who have completed the yellow workbook before:)

A. What is the specific reason you came into recovery?

B. What characteristic or behaviors {Laundry List traits} have prevented you from taking Step One?

C. What actions have you already taken and what literature have you read to aid you in working this Step?