Reading assignment for this week:

Yellow workbook pages 62 – 64 OR BRB pages 145 – 149

Red Book Chapter 5

Recommended weekly reading:

“The Laundry List” or “The Problem,” “The Solution,” and “The Promises” on pages 587-591 of the Red Book or in the first several pages of the yellow workbook;

“The Twelve Steps” on pages 91-92 of the Red Book (also on pages 1-2 of the workbook); and

“The Twelve Traditions” on page 592 of the Red Book

Suggested supplemental reading: 

Tradition One (the tradition for the month of January) in depth starting on Red Book page 491

                          Melody Beattie, “Codependents’ Guide To The Twelve Steps,” pgs 46-48 (the first three pages of the

Step Three chapter.) See ACAWSO’s Literature Policy: “It has always been accepted that ACA should remain eclectic in choosing literature. That is, ACA meetings may draw from various sources without censorship.”

Suggested supplemental text for 3^rd and 4^th Step work:

The AlAnon workbook titled “Blueprint for Progress: Al-Anon’s Fourth Step Inventory,
Revised” (copyright date 2004, with the black text and deeper blue-and-white-checked cover; available from AlAnon or on Amazon.com.)   See ACAWSO’s Literature Policy: “It has always been accepted that ACA should remain eclectic in choosing literature. That is, ACA meetings may draw from various sources without censorship.”  The section on Spirituality (pgs 84-86) are useful for in-depth Third Step work.

This week’s step study questions are found on page 66 of the yellow workbook under the heading “Made A Decision:”

1. What will happen if I make a decision to turn my will and my life over to the care of God as I understand God?
2. Can I talk to another ACA member about how they made a decision to turn over their will and life to a Higher Power?
3. Do I realize that the Higher Power that brought me to ACA is still with me and will never abandon me?
4. Do I realize that God is the actual parent and has been there for me all along?
5. Do I believe that God hears my prayers?
6. Do I understand that I am cared for by God no matter what I have done?

“Copyrighted by Adult Children of Alcoholics World Service Organization.”

Deep Dive questions:

A. Based on what you have learned about recovery so far, how do you see the “turning over” process of Step Three? What are the things that might prevent you, emotionally and intellectually, from accepting the help of a Higher Power?

© Patrick Carnes’ A Gentle Path Through The Twelve Steps

B. Even if I don’t believe in a Higher Power the way other people do, how can I apply Step Three in my life?

C. How does practicing Step Three help to alleviate my fears?

© Al-Anon’s Reaching for Personal Freedom Workbook

Reading assignment for this week:

Yellow workbook pages 57 – top of page 62 OR BRB pages 138 – 145

Red Book pages 106 – 108, section titled “Examining Spiritual Beliefs”

Recommended weekly reading:

“The Laundry List” or “The Problem,” “The Solution,” and “The Promises” on pages 587-591 of the Red Book or in the first several pages of the yellow workbook;

“The Twelve Steps” on pages 91-92 of the Red Book (also on pages 1-2 of the workbook); and

“The Twelve Traditions” on page 592 of the Red Book

Suggested supplemental reading: 

Tradition One (the tradition for the month of January) in depth starting on Red Book page 491

Red Book Chapter 8

Suggested supplemental text for 3^rd and 4^th Step work:

The AlAnon workbook titled “Blueprint for Progress: Al-Anon’s Fourth Step Inventory,
Revised” (copyright date 2004, with the black text and deeper blue-and-white-checked cover; available from AlAnon or on Amazon.com.)   See ACAWSO’s Literature Policy: “It has always been accepted that ACA should remain eclectic in choosing literature. That is, ACA meetings may draw from various sources without censorship.”  The section on Spirituality (pgs 84-86) are useful for in-depth Third Step work.

This week’s step study questions are found on pages 65 – 66 of the yellow workbook under the heading “Step Three Questions and Information”:

6. Did my parents act one way during worshiping services and another way at home?

7. How does my attempt to control others or my emotions interfere with God working in my life? (Give a specific example.)

8. What is one area of my life I can begin to think about lessening my control urges?

9. Do I know how to have fun?

“Copyrighted by Adult Children of Alcoholics World Service Organization.”

Deep Dive questions:

A. If you knew that you had no power to control events, outcomes, or a particular person, how would you behave differently? What would you say or do? What would you stop saying or doing? What would you do differently for yourself in order to enjoy your own life now, to live in the present moment?

B. If you weren’t allowing someone else, or a particular circumstance, to control you, what would you be doing differently? What would you do today with your life? How would you feel?

C. What is the most loving, most nurturing thing available to you right now that you can use to take care of yourself and enjoy life? What will you do with it?

© Melody Beattie’s Codependents Guide To The Twelve Steps

Reading assignment for this week:

Yellow workbook pages 57 – top of page 62 OR BRB pages 138 – 145

Red Book pages 106 – 108, section titled “Examining Spiritual Beliefs”

Recommended weekly reading:

“The Laundry List” or “The Problem,” “The Solution,” and “The Promises” on pages 587-591 of the Red Book or in the first several pages of the yellow workbook;

“The Twelve Steps” on pages 91-92 of the Red Book (also on pages 1-2 of the workbook); and

“The Twelve Traditions” on page 592 of the Red Book

Suggested supplemental reading: 

Tradition One (the tradition for the month of January) in depth starting on Red Book page 491

Red Book Chapter 8

Suggested supplemental text for 3^rd and 4^th Step work:

The AlAnon workbook titled “Blueprint for Progress: Al-Anon’s Fourth Step Inventory,
Revised” (copyright date 2004, with the black text and deeper blue-and-white-checked cover; available from AlAnon or on Amazon.com.)   See ACAWSO’s Literature Policy: “It has always been accepted that ACA should remain eclectic in choosing literature. That is, ACA meetings may draw from various sources without censorship.”  The section on Spirituality (pgs 84-86) is useful for in-depth Third Step work.

This week’s step study questions are found on page 65 of the yellow workbook under the heading “Step Three Questions and Information”:

1. Did I pray to a Higher Power and never seem to have prayers answered?
2. What was I told about God by my parents, religious leaders and friends? Was I allowed to ask questions?
3. If I drew a picture of God or the Divine Power of the Universe, what would it look like?
4. What was I told about prayer by parents, religious leaders and friends?
5. Was it acceptable for me to be angry at a Higher Power?

“Copyrighted by Adult Children of Alcoholics World Service Organization.”

Deep Dive questions:

A. Is my current idea of a Higher Power working for me, or do I need to change it? What might work?

© Diana Lea’s AA Powerful 12 Step Workbook

B. What obstacles do your religious background or upbringing give you for trusting a Higher Power?

C. How have your perceptions of God or your Higher Power changed over time?

© Patrick Carnes’ A Gentle Path Through The Twelve Steps

Reading assignment for this week:

Yellow workbook pages 47 – 50 OR Big Red Book (BRB) pages 135 – 137

Recommended weekly reading:

“The Laundry List” or “The Problem,” “The Solution,” and “The Promises” on pages 587-591 of the Red Book or in the first several pages of the yellow workbook;

“The Twelve Steps” on pages 91-92 of the Red Book (also on pages 1-2 of the workbook); and

“The Twelve Traditions” on page 592 of the Red Book

Suggested supplemental reading: 

Tradition One (the tradition for the month of January) in depth starting on Red Book page 491

“Codependent’s Guide to the Twelve Steps” by Melody Beattie, pages 40 – 45. See ACAWSO’s Literature Policy: “It has always been accepted that ACA should remain eclectic in choosing literature. That is, ACA meetings may draw from various sources without censorship.” (This book is available used on Amazon.com for around $4.00 USD.)

Suggested supplemental exercises:  Yellow workbook pages 55 – 56

This week’s step study questions are found on page 55 of the yellow workbook under the headings “Sanity/Higher Power” and “Step Two Spiritual Principles: Openmindedness and Clarity”:

6. Will I consider the possibility that I can face my emotions with help from my sponsor and ACA friends?

7. Can I come to believe there is hope for me?

1. Is my behavior as an adult, no matter how bizarre or self-defeating, a response to being raised in an alcoholic or dysfunctional home?
2. Can I believe or be open to the promise of another way to live with clarity in ACA?
3. Am I open to the possibility that being an adult child is a spiritual problem rather than a mental problem?

“Copyrighted by Adult Children of Alcoholics World Service Organization.”

Deep Dive questions:

A. What actions have you been/are you willing to take to find your Higher Power?

B. How would you describe the experience of having a Higher Power in your life?

C. How has my belief in a Higher Power changed since I came into recovery?

D. What parts of my life do I have hope about today?

© Podenco Press’ 12 Step Workbook

Reading assignment for this week’s work:

Yellow workbook pages 10 – 11 and 44 – 50 OR Big Red Book pages 106 – 108 and 130 – 135

Recommended weekly reading:

“The Laundry List” or “The Problem,” “The Solution,” and “The Promises” on pages 587-591 of the Red Book or in the first several pages of the yellow workbook;

“The Twelve Steps” on pages 91-92 of the Red Book (also on pages 1-2 of the workbook); and

“The Twelve Traditions” on page 592 of the Red Book

Suggested supplemental reading:

Tradition Twelve (the tradition for the month of December) in depth starting on Red Book page 549

“Codependent’s Guide to the Twelve Steps” by Melody Beattie, pages 37 – 40. See ACAWSO’s Literature Policy: “It has always been accepted that ACA should remain eclectic in choosing literature. That is, ACA meetings may draw from various sources without censorship.” (This book is available used on Amazon.com for around $4.00 USD.)

This week’s step study questions are found on page 54 of the yellow workbook under the heading “Sanity/Higher Power”:

1. Do I realize I may be the most sane member of my family because I am seeking recovery?
2. Do I realize I am not unique and that other adult children think and act like me?
3. Can I come to believe that I have had an inner strength all along that helped me survive an abusive childhood?
4. Can I come to believe that a Higher Power has been with me always and helped me survive until I could find ACA?
5. Do I believe I can love myself and ask for help? That I don’t have to do this alone?

“Copyrighted by Adult Children of Alcoholics World Service Organization.”

Deep Dive questions:

A. What do I hope to gain from accepting the concept of a Power greater than myself?

B. What does “Let go and let God” mean to me?

© Al-Anon’s Paths to Recovery Workbook

Reading assignment:

Yellow workbook pages 10 – 11 and 44 – 50 OR Big Red Book pages 106 – 108 and 130 – 135

Recommended weekly reading:

“The Laundry List” or “The Problem,” “The Solution,” and “The Promises” on pages 587-591 of the Red Book or in the first several pages of the yellow workbook;

“The Twelve Steps” on pages 91-92 of the Red Book (also on pages 1-2 of the workbook); and

“The Twelve Traditions” on page 592 of the Red Book

Suggested supplemental reading: 

Tradition Twelve (the tradition for the month of December) in depth starting on Red Book page 549

“A Codependent’s Guide To The Twelve Steps” by Melody Beattie, Step Two chapter (available used on Amazon.com for around $4.00 USD.)* See ACAWSO’s Literature Policy: “It has always been accepted that ACA should remain eclectic in choosing literature. That is, ACA meetings may draw from various sources without censorship.”

This week’s step study questions are found on page 53 – 54 of the yellow workbook under the heading “Came To Believe”:

1. Does my God have similar behavior or features of my parents, i.e., harshness, indifference, distant, judging etc?
2. What do I remember being told about faith, belief, prayer and forgiveness?
3. Do I have a “getcha God,” a God who keeps score and punishes me for mistakes?
4. Do I have an austere God, who seems hard to internalize or to approach in prayer?
5. Does God or the Power of the Universe hear my prayers?
6. Does a Higher Power love me?

“Copyrighted by Adult Children of Alcoholics World Service Organization.”

Deep Dive questions:

A. What does faith mean to me?

B. With whom and in what circumstances am I comfortable discussing my spiritual experiences?

C. What might I gain from believing I could be supported and loved by a Power greater than myself?

© Al-Anon’s Paths to Recovery Workbook

Reading assignment:

Red Book pages 6 through 9, under the heading titled “Adult Children, Codependents;”

                          Red Book pg. 335, under heading titles “What is Codependence?” and “What is Para-Alcoholism?;”

                          Red Book pages 355-358, under the heading titled “Pain, Shutdown, and Survival”

Reading assignment:

Red Book pages 6 through 9, under the heading titled “Adult Children, Codependents;”

Red Book pg. 335, under heading titles “What is Codependence?” and “What is Para-Alcoholism?;”

Red Book pages 355-358, under the heading titled “Pain, Shutdown, and Survival”

Recommended weekly reading:

“The Laundry List” or “The Problem,” “The Solution,” and “The Promises” on pages 587-591 of the Red Book or in the first several pages of the yellow workbook;

“The Twelve Steps” on pages 91-92 of the Red Book (also on pages 1-2 of the workbook); and

“The Twelve Traditions” on page 592 of the Red Book

Suggested supplemental reading: 

Tradition Twelve (the tradition for the month of December) in depth starting on Red Book page 549

(available used on Amazon.com for around $4.00 USD.)* See ACAWSO’s Literature Policy: “It has always been accepted that ACA should remain eclectic in choosing literature. That is, ACA meetings may draw from various sources without censorship.”

“Codependent No More” by Melody Beattie (available used on Amazon.com for around $4.00 USD), chapters titled “Codependency” and “Codependent Characteristics.” See ACAWSO’s Literature Policy: “It has always been accepted that ACA should remain eclectic in choosing literature. That is, ACA meetings may draw from various sources without censorship.”

This week’s step study questions are found on page 53 of the yellow workbook under the heading “Dependence and Codependence”:

6.  Do I label myself as a “giver” but secretly resent others, who do not return my favors or listen to my advice?

7.  Do I choose relationships based on people who are “beneath” me but who I can rescue and make “love me?”

8.  Do I find myself in relationships with “dangerous” men or women because I feel alive amid the intensity? Did I ignore how he or she had harmed others by thinking I was “special” and would not be harmed?

9.  Do I accept a high level of abuse from someone but don’t recognize the abuse?

10. Do I look outside myself for love and affirmation? (List an example.)

Deep Dive questions:

1. What is a healthy and loving relationship? What would that look like?
2. Do I desire healthy and loving relationships? Which needs of mine may currently be stronger than my desire for healthy and loving relationships (i.e., controlling, people-pleasing, caretaking, etc.)?
3. Where do I learn what a healthy relationship is? Where might I find some examples?

© CoDa’s Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions Workbook

Reading assignment:

Red Book pages 6 through 9, under the heading titled “Adult Children, Codependents;”

Red Book pg. 335, under heading titles “What is Codependence?” and “What is Para-Alcoholism?;”

Red Book pages 355 – 358, under the heading titled “Pain, Shutdown, and Survival”

Recommended weekly reading:

“The Laundry List” or “The Problem,” “The Solution,” and “The Promises” on pages 587-591 of the Red Book or in the first several pages of the yellow workbook;

“The Twelve Steps” on pages 91-92 of the Red Book (also on pages 1-2 of the workbook); and

“The Twelve Traditions” on page 592 of the Red Book

Suggested supplemental reading: 

Tradition Twelve (the tradition for the month of December) in depth starting on Red Book page 549

Coda.org’s “Recovery Patterns of Codependence” on the “Meeting Materials” link at http://www.coda.org.

See ACAWSO’s Literature Policy: “It has always been accepted that ACA should remain eclectic in choosing literature. That is, ACA meetings may draw from various sources without censorship.”

“A Codependent’s Guide To The Twelve Steps” by Melody Beattie, Step Two chapter (available used on Amazon.com for around $4.00 USD.)* See ACAWSO’s Literature Policy: “It has always been accepted that ACA should remain eclectic in choosing literature. That is, ACA meetings may draw from various sources without censorship.”

“Codependent No More” by Melody Beattie (available used on Amazon.com for around $4.00 USD), chapters titled “Codependency” and “Codependent Characteristics.” See ACAWSO’s Literature Policy: “It has always been accepted that ACA should remain eclectic in choosing literature. That is, ACA meetings may draw from various sources without censorship.”

This week’s step study questions are found on page 52 of the yellow workbook under the heading “Dependence and Codependence”:

1. Do I tend to get involved in relationships with an addict or another compulsive personality such as a workaholic or sex addict?
2. Do I mislabel violent and chaotic relationships as “passionate” and “complex?”
3. Do my relationships show a pattern of intensity, indifference and fits and restarts? Is blaming others a theme in my relationships?
4. Do I mask my need to control others by appearing cheerful or helpful?
5. Do I try to get my needs of love and happiness met by people, who cannot do enough for me or who cannot meet my expectations?

“Copyrighted by Adult Children of Alcoholics World Service Organization.”

Deep Dive questions:

A. Have you been trying to exert power or influence where you may, in reality, have none? Have you been trying to control someone or something, trying harder and harder with less and less beneficial results?

B. What is the current state of your relationships with family, friends, coworkers? Do you have any relationships, or are you feeling alone and isolated?

C. Does your mind feel clear and consistent? Who are you holding responsible for your emotions, finances, and health? Who are you holding responsible for the state of your relationships?

© Melody Beattie’s Codependents Guide To The Twelve Steps

Reading assignment:

For Question 13: Red Book pg. 336, “What is the False Self? Am I Being Phony?”, and Red Book pages 10-18, “Reviewing the Laundry List”

For Question 14: Red Book pgs 148-149, “A Word About Religious Abuse”

For Question 15: Red Book pgs 123-125, “Hitting Bottom”, and Red Book pgs. 65-73, “Hitting an ACA Bottom”

For Question 17: Red Book pg 337, “What is the Inner Child? I am Not Sure I Have an Inner Child” and Red Book pgs. 304-306, “Tools and Techniques for Connecting With Our Inner Child”      

Yellow workbook pages 44 – 50 OR Big Red Book (BRB) pages 130 – 135

Recommended weekly reading:

“The Laundry List” or “The Problem,” “The Solution,” and “The Promises” on pages 587-591 of the Red Book or in the first several pages of the yellow workbook;

“The Twelve Steps” on pages 91-92 of the Red Book (also on pages 1-2 of the workbook); and

“The Twelve Traditions” on page 592 of the Red Book

Suggested supplemental reading:

Tradition Eleven (the tradition for the month of November) in depth starting on page 549 of the BRB

The Step Two chapter of “A Codependent’s Guide To The Twelve Steps” by Melody Beattie (available used on Amazon.com for around $4.00 USD.)* See ACAWSO’s Literature Policy: “It has always been accepted that ACA should remain eclectic in choosing literature. That is, ACA meetings may draw from various sources without censorship.”

“Days of Healing, Days of Joy: Daily Meditations for Adult Children” by Earnie Larsen and Carol Larsen Hegarty (available used on Amazon.com for around $4.00 USD.)* See ACAWSO’s Literature Policy: “It has always been accepted that ACA should remain eclectic in choosing literature. That is, ACA meetings may draw from various sources without censorship.”

This week’s step study questions are found on pages 51 – 52 of the yellow workbook under the heading “Step Two Questions and Directions”:

13. Do I act like one person in the privacy of my home and another person in public? (List an example.)

14. Was there religious or spiritual abuse in my life? Can I talk about such abuse?

15. Have I injured myself physically or been involved in risky behavior and not realized this could have been an adult  child “bottom?”

16. Do I binge eat, gamble, have sex, take drugs or spend money when I feel upset or unsettled? Do I feel insane doing this? (List an example.)

17. Have I asked my Inner Child or True Self what sanity is?

“Copyrighted by Adult Children of Alcoholics World Service Organization.”

Deep Dive questions:

A. What behaviors do I continue, expecting different outcomes?

B. How do I define “sanity”?

© Al-Anon’s Reaching for Personal Freedom Workbook

C. What are some areas of your life that may reflect unmanageability? What is your current condition in these areas: emotions, finances, spirituality, physical health, career? What are you doing for fun, pleasure, and enjoyment?

© Melody Beattie’s Codependents Guide To The Twelve Steps

Reading assignment:

Yellow workbook pages 44 – 50 OR Big Red Book (BRB) pages 130 – 135

Recommended weekly reading:

“The Laundry List” or “The Problem,” “The Solution,” and “The Promises” on pages 587-591 of the Red Book or in the first several pages of the yellow workbook;

“The Twelve Steps” on pages 91-92 of the Red Book (also on pages 1-2 of the workbook); and

“The Twelve Traditions” on page 592 of the Red Book

Suggested supplemental reading: 

Tradition Eleven (the tradition for the month of November) in depth starting on page 549 of the BRB

(available used on Amazon.com for around $4.00 USD.)* See ACAWSO’s Literature Policy: “It has always been accepted that ACA should remain eclectic in choosing literature. That is, ACA meetings may draw from various sources without censorship.”

“Days of Healing, Days of Joy: Daily Meditations for Adult Children” by Earnie Larson and Carol Larson Hegarty (available used on Amazon.com for around $4.00 USD.)* See ACAWSO’s Literature Policy: “It has always been accepted that ACA should remain eclectic in choosing literature. That is, ACA meetings may draw from various sources without censorship.”

This week’s step study questions are found on page 51 of the yellow workbook under the heading “Step Two Questions and Directions”:

7.  What messages did my parents or relatives use to invalidate my perceptions?

8.  Did I numb my feelings or dissociate when my parents cursed, criticized or mistreated me?

9. Do I say I feel insane when in reality I am avoiding naming my feelings?

10. Do I secretly believe I am insane or believe I have an incurable brain disorder?

11. Did my parents abandon me by telling me I was emotionally ill or unstable?

12. Do I feel “crazy” but keep my feelings inside and never talk about such thoughts?

“Copyrighted by Adult Children of Alcoholics World Service Organization.”

Deep Dive questions:

A. How often do you feel like you’re not good enough, or worthless? Where do you suppose that comes from?

© Diana Lea’s AA Powerful 12 Step Workbook

 B. Review the following Signs of Emotional Abuse list and check off which ones you experienced as a child in an alcoholic or dysfunctional home:

1. Making the person feel worthless
2. Putting the blame for one’s mistakes on the other person
3. Minimizing the other person’s point of view
4. Threatening or hinting of physical or sexual abuse
5. Going into fits of rage and anger
6. Failing to fulfill commitments or promises made or implied
7. Lying to avoid responsibility for the truth
8. Refusing to acknowledge the other person’s feelings
9. Verbally or physically humiliating the other person through inappropriate gestures, comments, or “jokes”
10. Using shame or guilt to manipulate the actions of the other person
11. Not allowing the other person to articulate his or her feelings
12. Denying the other person access to his or her personal possessions or pets
13. Withholding financial resources
14. Refusing to communicate with the other person – the silent treatment
15. Displaying extreme ranges of mood
16. Making conditional agreements in which the conditions keep changing to avoid fulfilling the agreement
17. Using a hostile or sarcastic tone of voice with the other person
18. Being critical of each action, thought, or remark of the other person
19. Viewing others as a part of that person’s own personality as opposed to individuals with their own thoughts, feelings, and opinions
20. Belittling, humiliating, marginalizing, and/or ignoring the other person

• Looking over the items you checked off, do you see any patterns emerging between what you put in the past and what is happening in the present?
• If you hesitated and tried to explain away some of the signs, why do you suppose that is?
• As you look back over what you checked off, are you able to identify the one or two signs that did the most damage to your sense of self? Why were these so damaging to you?

© Gregory L. Jantz Ph.D’s Healing The Scars Of Emotional Abuse