Step Four, Week Eight: April 3rd, 2024

This week’s reading assignment consists of two yellow workbook sections. **BEFORE COMPLETING EITHER SECTION**, please carefully consider the following advice from David Richo’s excellent book, “When The Past Is Present”:

“Some of our experience is too sensitive to be dealt with now ~ or at all ~ so our repression is in favor of our health. What we call resistance or denial might be in our best interest. . . . Memories undiscovered may be less harmful than memories confronted when we are too fragile to handle them. . . . It is important for us to calibrate the load-bearing capacity of our psyche. How much of ourselves can we safely know?”

Please complete either or both sections only if it feels safe and appropriate for you:

Yellow workbook page 90, the section titled “Exercise 8 ~ Sexual Abuse Inventory” OR BRB pages 173 – 174, and/or

Yellow workbook page 92, the section titled “Exercise 9 ~ Denial Inventory” OR BRB pages 175 – 176

Sexual Abuse readings:

Red Book page 24, the last paragraph beginning “The damage that some . . .” and including the footnote on page 25.

Recommended weekly reading:

“The Laundry List” or “The Problem,” “The Solution,” and “The Promises” on pages 587-591 of the Red Book or in the first several pages of the yellow workbook;

“The Twelve Steps” on pages 91-92 of the Red Book (also on pages 1-2 of the workbook); and

“The Twelve Traditions” on page 592 of the Red Book

Tradition Four (the tradition for the month of April) in detail starting on Red Book page 508

Suggested supplemental readings on sexual abuse:

The section titled “Effects on Survivors” under the “About Us” section on www.siawso.org.

The journaling assignment on sexual abuse is on page 91 of the yellow workbook. The following questions are adapted from the workbook:

Who was (were) my abuser(s)? What happened? What was my age at the time? Who did I tell, if anyone? Who didn’t I tell? Who got blamed? How did the abuse stop?

“© Adult Children of Alcoholics World Service Organization.”

Denial readings:

Red Book page xxiii, the first three paragraphs starting, “For those new to . . .”

Red Book page 22, the three paragraphs under the heading “Internalizing Our Parents”

Red Book pages 32-33

Red Book page 105, the three paragraphs starting, “Lastly, any discussion . . .”

Red Book page 344, under the heading, “What is Denial? Are There Different Types of Denial?”

Recommended weekly reading:

“The Laundry List” or “The Problem,” “The Solution,” and “The Promises” on pages 587-591 of the Red Book or in the first several pages of the yellow workbook;

“The Twelve Steps” on pages 91-92 of the Red Book (also on pages 1-2 of the workbook); and

“The Twelve Traditions” on page 592 of the Red Book

Tradition Four (the tradition for the month of April) in detail starting on Red Book page 508

Suggested supplemental readings on denial and abuse:

Whitfield, Charles, “Healing the Child Within,” pages 40-42 in Chapter 5 under the heading “Denial of Feelings and Reality” See ACAWSO’s Literature Policy: “It has always been accepted that ACA should remain eclectic in choosing literature. That is, ACA meetings may draw from various sources without censorship.”

Mellody, Pia, “Facing Codependence,” Chapter 8 titled “Facing Abuse” See ACAWSO’s Literature Policy: “It has always been accepted that ACA should remain eclectic in choosing literature. That is, ACA meetings may draw from various sources without censorship.”

The journaling assignment on “Denial: My Parents’ Behavior” is on page 93 of the yellow workbook. The following questions are adapted from the workbook:

What happened? Describe the facts of an incident of abuse, neglect, or rejection suffered as a child.

How old was I when the incident occurred?

How did I feel about what happened? (Moderator’s note: the feelings list on pages 77-78 of the yellow workbook may be useful here.)

What was my parents’ message about what happened?

How did I later describe what happened?

“© Adult Children of Alcoholics World Service Organization.”

Suggested supplemental journaling for both sexual abuse and denial and abuse:

The section titled “Fear” on pages 16-18 of AlAnon’s Blueprint for Progress, Revised Edition, copyright 2004.

Deep Dive questions:

A. How do I know when another’s behavior is unacceptable to me?

B. How do I let another know that his or her behavior is unacceptable to me?

C. How do I feel about myself when I am in an abusive situation?

D. When were the times in my life when I experienced the most self-confidence?

© Al-Anon’s Blueprint for Progress Workbook




Step Four, Week Seven: March 27th, 2024

This week’s reading assignment:

Yellow workbook page 88, the section titled “Exercise 7 – Relationships (Romance/Sexual/Friendship) Inventory” OR BRB page173

Red Book, Chapter 13

Red Book, page 7, the paragraph that begins with the sentence, “In ACA, we realize . . .”

Red Book page 101, the first paragraph under the “Powerlessness vs. Learned Helplessness” heading

Red Book pages 356-357, under the heading “Origin of Emotional Intoxication”

Recommended weekly reading:

“The Laundry List” or “The Problem,” “The Solution,” and “The Promises” on pages 587-591 of the Red Book or in the first several pages of the yellow workbook;

“The Twelve Steps” on pages 91-92 of the Red Book (also on pages 1-2 of the workbook); and

“The Twelve Traditions” on page 592 of the Red Book

Tradition Three (the tradition for the month of March) in depth starting on page 503 of the Red Book

Suggested supplemental reading:

Friel, John and Linda, “Adult Children: The Secrets of Dysfunctional Families,” pages 134-137 starting with the sentence, “Below we have outlined some of the issues . . .” See ACAWSO’s Literature Policy: “It has always been accepted that ACA should remain eclectic in choosing literature. That is, ACA meetings may draw from various sources without censorship.”

Beattie, Melody, “Codependent No More,” pages 209-211, the section titled “Fear of Intimacy” in the chapter titled “Pieces and Bits” See ACAWSO’s Literature Policy: “It has always been accepted that ACA should remain eclectic in choosing literature. That is, ACA meetings may draw from various sources without censorship.”

Suggested supplemental text for 4th Step work:

The AlAnon workbook titled “Blueprint for Progress: Al-Anon’s Fourth Step Inventory,
Revised” (copyright date 2004, with the black text and deeper blue-and-white-checked cover; available from AlAnon or on Amazon.com.)   See ACAWSO’s Literature Policy: “It has always been accepted that ACA should remain eclectic in choosing literature. That is, ACA meetings may draw from various sources without censorship.”

The sections on Relationships (pgs. 48-50) and Communication (pgs. 35-37) are especially useful for this week’s 4th Step work.

Suggested supplemental reading for upcoming 5th Step work: Red Book Chapter 11 titled “Sponsorship ~ Fellow Travelers”, pages 365 – 390

This week’s step study questions:

Yellow workbook page 89, “Relationship Worksheet.” The following questions are adapted from this exercise:

Thinking of a romantic partner, a friend, or another person with whom I once had a relationship: What did I expect to get from that relationship? What did I really get from that relationship? Describe my dependent behavior in the relationship. How did the relationship end?

“© Adult Children of Alcoholics World Service Organization.”

Deep Dive questions:

A. Who sets the boundaries in my relationships?

B. In my interactions with others, what might be harmful about my responses?

C. How much do I try to control the thinking and actions of others?

D. How do I show others I care for them when I disagree with what they say or do?

© Al-Anon’s Blueprint for Progress Workbook

Step Four, Week Six: March 20th, 2024

This week’s reading assignment:

Yellow workbook page 86, the “Stored Anger (Resentment) Inventory” section OR BRB page 172

Red Book page 24, the two paragraphs beginning with the sentence, “Many adult children express anger . . .”

Yellow workbook page 86, Gentleness Break section and 4th Step Prayer

Recommended weekly reading:

“The Laundry List” or “The Problem,” “The Solution,” and “The Promises” on pages 587-591 of the Red Book or in the first several pages of the yellow workbook;

 The Twelve Steps” on pages 91-92 of the Red Book (also on pages 1-2 of the workbook); and

“The Twelve Traditions” on page 592 of the Red Book

Tradition Three (the tradition for the month of March) in depth starting on page 503 of the Red Book

Suggested supplemental reading for this week’s Steps work:

Mellody, Pia, “Facing Codependence,” pages 49-52 under the heading “Resentment.” See ACAWSO’s Literature Policy: “It has always been accepted that ACA should remain eclectic in choosing literature. That is, ACA meetings may draw from various sources without censorship.”

Sichel, Mark, “Healing From Family Rifts,” Chapter 6 titled “Let Go of Resentment.” See ACAWSO’s Literature Policy: “It has always been accepted that ACA should remain eclectic in choosing literature. That is, ACA meetings may draw from various sources without censorship.”

Suggested supplemental reading for upcoming 5th Step work:

Red Book Chapter 11 titled “Sponsorship ~ Fellow Travelers”, pages 365 – 390

This week’s step study questions:

Yellow workbook page 87, the Stored Anger (Resentment) Worksheet.  The following questions are adapted from this exercise:

What loss(es) do I resent? What event or situation caused the loss? How does the loss affect my self-worth, friendships, safety, ability to imagine, etc.? What was my reaction to the loss (anger, rebellion, withdrawal, passive/aggressive behavior, or other?) What was my Inner Child’s reaction to the loss (don’t talk, don’t trust, don’t feel, or other?)

“© Adult Children of Alcoholics World Service Organization.”

Suggested supplemental journaling:

The section titled “Resentment” on pages 24-26 of AlAnon’s Blueprint for Progress, Revised Edition, copyright 2004.

Deep Dive questions:

A. How do I feel about the way my family dealt with angry situations?

B. Are there any people or organizations from childhood that I still feel angry with today? Why do I think that is?

C. What bothers me about the people I resent most?

D. How important is it for me to continue feeling angry with certain people?

© Al-Anon’s Blueprint for Progress Workbook







Step Four, Week Five: March 13th, 2024

This week’s reading assignment:

Yellow workbook page 84 under the “Exercise 5 – Harms Inventory – Generational Transfer” heading OR BRB pages 170 – 171

Red Book Chapter Two, pages 21-27

Red Book page 127, Family History Diagram

Red Book pages 448-450, Grandchildren of Alcoholics

Recommended weekly reading:

“The Laundry List” or “The Problem,” “The Solution,” and “The Promises” on pages 587-591 of the Red Book or in the first several pages of the yellow workbook;

“The Twelve Steps” on pages 91-92 of the Red Book (also on pages 1-2 of the workbook); and

“The Twelve Traditions” on page 592 of the Red Book

Tradition Three (the tradition for the month of March) in depth starting on page 503 of the Red Book

Suggested supplemental reading:

Friel, John and Linda, “An Adult Child’s Guide to What’s ‘Normal’”, pages 124-127, starting with the paragraph beginning, “But when it comes to painful patterns,  . . .” See ACAWSO’s Literature Policy: “It has always been accepted that ACA should remain eclectic in choosing literature. That is, ACA meetings may draw from various sources without censorship.”

Suggested supplemental text for 4th Step work:

The AlAnon workbook titled “Blueprint for Progress: Al-Anon’s Fourth Step Inventory,
Revised” (copyright date 2004, with the black text and deeper blue-and-white-checked cover; available from AlAnon or on Amazon.com.)   See ACAWSO’s Literature Policy: “It has always been accepted that ACA should remain eclectic in choosing literature. That is, ACA meetings may draw from various sources without censorship.”

The sections on Communication (pgs. 35-37) and Justification (pgs. 27-28) are especially useful for this week’s 4th Step work.

This week’s step study questions:

Yellow workbook page 85, “Harms Worksheet.”  The following questions are adapted from this exercise:

Whom have I harmed, abandoned, neglected or mistreated? What did I do (what was my behavior?) What were the results of the incident? What is my memory of the incident? What memories do I have of being similarly harmed as a child?

“Copyrighted by Adult Children of Alcoholics World Service Organization.”

Deep Dive questions:

  1. Who are the people in my life I feel guilty about?
  2. How do I treat those I feel guilty about?
  3. When something was really my fault and I felt guilty, how did I deal with my feelings?
  4. Are there any particular people with whom I consistently engage in unacceptable behavior? Why do I think that is?

Step Four, Week Four: March 6th, 2024

This week’s reading assignment:

Yellow workbook pages 83-84, under the heading “Exercise Four: Abandonment Inventory” OR BRB pages 169 – 170

Red Book pages 10-11, the “Trait 1” section

Red Book page 162, #2 “Abandoned”

Red Book page 486, the three paragraphs starting “There is not always violence . . .”

Recommended weekly reading:

“The Laundry List” or “The Problem,” “The Solution,” and “The Promises” on pages 587-591 of the Red Book or in the first several pages of the yellow workbook;

“The Twelve Steps” on pages 91-92 of the Red Book (also on pages 1-2 of the workbook); and

“The Twelve Traditions” on page 592 of the Red Book

Tradition Three (the tradition for the month of March) in depth starting on page 503 of the Red Book

Suggested supplemental reading:

Bradshaw, John, “Bradshaw On The Family,” pages 103-106. See ACAWSO’s Literature Policy: “It has always been accepted that ACA should remain eclectic in choosing literature. That is, ACA meetings may draw from various sources without censorship.”

Engel, Beverly, “Healing Your Emotional Self,” pages 35-40. See ACAWSO’s Literature Policy: “It has always been accepted that ACA should remain eclectic in choosing literature. That is, ACA meetings may draw from various sources without censorship.”

Suggested supplemental text for 4th Step work:

The AlAnon workbook titled “Blueprint for Progress: Al-Anon’s Fourth Step Inventory,
Revised” (copyright date 2004, with the black text and deeper blue-and-white-checked cover; available from AlAnon or on Amazon.com.)   See ACAWSO’s Literature Policy: “It has always been accepted that ACA should remain eclectic in choosing literature. That is, ACA meetings may draw from various sources without censorship.”

Multiple sections of the AlAnon workbook are useful for in-depth Fourth Step work.  Meeting members who have already completed a yellow workbook Step Four may wish to expand your 4th Step work by journaling on the “Blueprint for Progress” questions.

This week’s step study questions:

Yellow workbook page 84, “Abandonment List”:

List the times you felt abandoned by your parents or care giver. List your age, the location of the abandonment, and any other details you can remember.

© Adult Children of Alcoholics World Service Organization

Deep Dive questions:

A. Was it safe to be me in my childhood home?

B. Was I loved as myself or as the self my childhood family demanded I be?

C. Did my childhood family acknowledge me for my accomplishments or for being me?

D. Do I now see myself as my childhood family saw me or as I really am?

© David Richo’s book, Triggers: How We Can Stop Reacting and Start Healing

Step Four, Week Three: February 28th, 2024

This week’s reading assignment:

Yellow workbook, pages 82-83 under the heading “Shame Inventory” OR BRB pages 168 – 169

Red Book pages 10-11, the “Trait 1” section under the heading “Reviewing the Laundry List;”

Red Book page 152, the paragraph titled “Step Four Is The Shame Buster”

Red Book page 162, #3: “Shame or Ashamed”

Red Book page 200, 1st paragraph

Red Book page 344, “What Is Shame? What Is Guilt?”

Red Book pages 440-442, starting at the paragraph “In addition to Step work, . . .”

Recommended weekly reading:

“The Laundry List” or “The Problem,” “The Solution,” and “The Promises” on pages 587-591 of the Red Book or in the first several pages of the yellow workbook;

“The Twelve Steps” on pages 91-92 of the Red Book (also on pages 1-2 of the workbook); and

“The Twelve Traditions” on page 592 of the Red Book

Tradition Two (the tradition for the month of February) in depth starting on page 497 of the Red Book

Suggested supplemental text for 4th Step work:

The AlAnon workbook titled “Blueprint for Progress: Al-Anon’s Fourth Step Inventory,
Revised” (copyright date 2004, with the black text and deeper blue-and-white-checked cover; available from AlAnon or on Amazon.com.)   See ACAWSO’s Literature Policy: “It has always been accepted that ACA should remain eclectic in choosing literature. That is, ACA meetings may draw from various sources without censorship.”

The sections on Shame (pgs. 46-47) and Guilt (pgs. 44-45) are especially useful for this week’s 4th Step work.

This week’s step study questions:

Exercise 3, Shame Inventory on pages 82-83 of the yellow workbook. The following journaling outline is taken from this exercise:

List incidents in which you felt shamed by your parents or care giver. In addition to sexual abuse or harsh cursings, shame can come from calm statements by parents about appearance, speech, dress, and mannerisms. Some shame can be uttered in tones of sarcasm, overly critical judgments, and hurtful comments veiled as teasing or jokes.

The difference between appropriate parenting that corrects with love and affirmation, and shame which destroys the spirit, is how you feel about the act or comment. Shame tends to make you feel isolated, inferior, and unwanted. Discipline from loving parents can cause discomfort, but you still believe that you have worth and that you are loved despite your mistakes.

List examples of shaming incidents you experienced in your family of origin. Try to include as many details of the incidents as possible, including your age, where you were, what was said, and how your body reacted to the shame.

“Copyrighted by Adult Children of Alcoholics World Service Organization.”

Deep Dive questions:

A. What shame do I carry from my past that affects my actions today?

B. What shameful feelings made it difficult for me to seek help?

C. When am I prompted to inflect or accept shame?

D. Do I allow my feelings of shame to interfere with my recovery?

© Al-Anon’s Blueprint for Progress Workbook



Step Four, Week Two: February 21st, 2024

This week’s reading assignment:

Red Book page 106, first paragraph

Red Book page 110, the two paragraphs beginning with “In Step Four, . . .”

Recommended weekly reading:

“The Laundry List” or “The Problem,” “The Solution,” and “The Promises” on pages 587-591 of the Red Book or in the first several pages of the yellow workbook;

“The Twelve Steps” on pages 91-92 of the Red Book (also on pages 1-2 of the workbook); and

“The Twelve Traditions” on page 592 of the Red Book

Tradition Two (the tradition for the month of February) in depth starting on page 497 of the Red Book

Suggested supplemental reading:

“The Family Myth,” an article by Mark Sichel and Alicia L. Cervini, found online at http://www.psybersquare.com/family/myth.html

Friel, John and Linda, “Adult Children: The Secrets of Dysfunctional Families,” pages 82-83. See ACAWSO’s Literature Policy: “It has always been accepted that ACA should remain eclectic in choosing literature. That is, ACA meetings may draw from various sources without censorship.” 

Bradshaw, John, “Family Secrets: What You Don’t Know Can Hurt You.” See ACAWSO’s Literature Policy: “It has always been accepted that ACA should remain eclectic in choosing literature. That is, ACA meetings may draw from various sources without censorship.” 

Tradition Two (the tradition for the month of February) in depth starting on page 497 of the Red Book

Suggested supplemental text for 4th Step work:

The AlAnon workbook titled “Blueprint for Progress: Al-Anon’s Fourth Step Inventory,
Revised” (copyright date 2004, with the black text and deeper blue-and-white-checked cover; available from AlAnon or on Amazon.com.)   See ACAWSO’s Literature Policy: “It has always been accepted that ACA should remain eclectic in choosing literature. That is, ACA meetings may draw from various sources without censorship.”

Multiple sections of the AlAnon workbook are useful for in-depth Fourth Step work.  Meeting members who have already completed a yellow workbook Step Four may wish to expand your 4th Step work by journaling on the “Blueprint for Progress” questions.

This week’s step study questions:

The Family Secrets Inventory on page 82 of the yellow workbook. The following questions are adapted from the Family Secrets Inventory:

Describe one of your family’s “story lines” or images that was presented to friends and outsiders. What was the family reality beneath the story line or carefully presented public image?

“© Adult Children of Alcoholics World Service Organization.”

Deep Dive questions:

A. In what ways do secrets hamper my recovery?

B. In what ways has denial perpetuated my {Laundry List traits}?

C. In what ways does working Step Four give me a balanced view of myself?

© Al-Anon’s Reaching for Personal Freedom Workbook

Step Four, Week One: February 14th, 2024

This week’s reading assignment:

Yellow workbook pages 70 – 78 OR BRB pages 150 – 166

The Laundry List, on the first few pages of both the Red Book and the yellow workbook

Red Book page xxvi, “ACA Disease Model ~ Adult Child”

Red Book page 150, “A Picture Is Worth A Thousand Words”

Red Book page 153, “Getting Started On Step Four”

Red Book page 302, “The Inner Child ~ True Self”

“The Problem” on page 589 of the ACA Red Book

Recommended weekly reading:

“The Laundry List” or “The Problem,” “The Solution,” and “The Promises” on pages 587-591 of the Red Book or in the first several pages of the yellow workbook;

“The Twelve Steps” on pages 91-92 of the Red Book (also on pages 1-2 of the workbook); and

“The Twelve Traditions” on page 592 of the Red Book

Tradition Two (the tradition for the month of February) in depth starting on page 497 of the Red Book

Suggested supplemental text for 4th Step work:

The AlAnon workbook titled “Blueprint for Progress: Al-Anon’s Fourth Step Inventory,
Revised” (copyright date 2004, with the black text and deeper blue-and-white-checked cover; available from AlAnon or on Amazon.com.)   See ACAWSO’s Literature Policy: “It has always been accepted that ACA should remain eclectic in choosing literature. That is, ACA meetings may draw from various sources without censorship.” 

Multiple sections of the AlAnon workbook are useful for in-depth Fourth Step work.  Meeting members who have already completed a yellow workbook Step Four may wish to expand your 4th Step work by journaling on the “Blueprint for Progress” questions.

This week’s step study questions are on pages 79-81 of the yellow workbook.  The following questions are adapted from the Laundry List Worksheet on page 81 of the workbook:

Describe a childhood incident that might have helped create a Laundry List trait. What caused the event? How did it make you feel? (Hint: see the feelings list on pages 77-78 of the yellow workbook.) What was your Inner Chiid’s reaction? Which Laundry List trait might have developed as a result of the event?

“Copyrighted by Adult Children of Alcoholics World Service Organization.”

Deep Dive questions:

A. Do I avoid constantly searching for hidden motives behind what other people say or do?

B. Can I give others the benefit of the doubt?

C. Do I avoid manipulating people by telling them what they want to hear instead of what I really think or feel?

D. Can I be straightforward with others, letting them know me as I really am?

E. Have I ever listed and analyzed my fears?

F. Can I accept a certain amount of insecurity in my life without fearing that everything will fall apart?

G. Have I developed some sense of my right to be treated with dignity?

H. Do I steer clear of getting others to feel sorry for me?

I. Are my responsibilities to myself kept in good balance with my desire to reach out to others?

J. Can I listen to other people’s problems without worrying about them?

K. Have I done all I can to rid myself of guilty feelings about the past?

L. Once a conflict is over and I have expressed my anger, can I let it go?

M. Do I appreciate my talents and abilities?

N. Do I act on my own behalf and set my own goals?

O. Can I resist giving in just to keep peace when my own welfare and integrity are involved?

P. Do I have a purpose in my life?

Q. Can I discipline myself in healthy and comfortable ways so that I can accomplish things?

© Al-Anon’s Blueprint for Progress Workbook

Step Three, Week Five: February 7th, 2024

This week’s reading assignment:

Yellow workbook pages 62 – 64 OR BRB pages 145 – 149

Red Book Chapters 5 and 8

Red Book page 73, the four paragraphs starting “While the alcoholic . . .”

Red Book pages 144-145, the six paragraphs starting “By making a decision . . .”

Red Book page 294

Red Book pages 454-456

Recommended weekly reading:

“The Laundry List” or “The Problem,” “The Solution,” and “The Promises” on pages 587-591 of the Red Book or in the first several pages of the yellow workbook;

“The Twelve Steps” on pages 91-92 of the Red Book (also on pages 1-2 of the workbook); and

“The Twelve Traditions” on page 592 of the Red Book

Suggested supplemental reading: 

Tradition Two (the tradition for the month of February) in depth starting on page 542 of the Red Book

Melody Beattie, “Codependents’ Guide To The Twelve Steps,” pages 49 – 57 starting with the heading “Turning It Over” in the Step Three chapter. See ACAWSO’s Literature Policy: “It has always been accepted that ACA should remain eclectic in choosing literature. That is, ACA meetings may draw from various sources without censorship.”

Suggested supplemental text for 3rd and 4th Step work:

The AlAnon workbook titled “Blueprint for Progress: Al-Anon’s Fourth Step Inventory,
Revised” (copyright date 2004, with the black text and deeper blue-and-white-checked cover; available from AlAnon or on Amazon.com.)   See ACAWSO’s Literature Policy: “It has always been accepted that ACA should remain eclectic in choosing literature. That is, ACA meetings may draw from various sources without censorship.”

The section on Control (pages 29-31) is especially useful for Third Step work.

This week’s step study questions are on pages 67-68 under the heading “Step Three Spiritual Principles: Willingness and Accepting Help:”

  1. Am I willing to do whatever it takes to work my ACA program and to focus on myself? (What am I willing to do?)
  2. What am I surrendering so that I can make ACA a priority in my life?
  3. What actions can I take that show that I am surrendering and facing my childhood experiences?
  4. Can I begin at the level of willingness? Can I be willing to be willing to surrender?
  5. Can I begin by surrendering my self-hate and self-harming behavior?
  6. Am I willing to ask for help?
  7. Am I willing to accept help if I ask for help?
  8. How is asking for help a form of giving up control?

“Copyrighted by Adult Children of Alcoholics World Service Organization.”

Deep Dive questions:

A. What keeps me from surrendering to the God of my understanding?

B. In what ways do I struggle with giving up my will?

C. What has been my experience when I have turned my will over to the God of my understanding?

D. When have I seen a Higher Power working in the lives of those around me?

© Al-Anon’s Reaching for Personal Freedom Workbook

E. How does your current mode of accepting help (dependent, counterdependent, independent, and interdependent) fit with your perception of God or your Higher Power?

© Patrick Carnes’ A Gentle Path Through The Twelve Steps

Step Three, Week Four: January 31st, 2024

Reading assignment for this week:

Yellow workbook pages 62 – 64 OR BRB pages 145 – 149

Red Book Chapters 5 and 8

Recommended weekly reading:

“The Laundry List” or “The Problem,” “The Solution,” and “The Promises” on pages 587-591 of the Red Book or in the first several pages of the yellow workbook;

“The Twelve Steps” on pages 91-92 of the Red Book (also on pages 1-2 of the workbook); and

“The Twelve Traditions” on page 592 of the Red Book

Suggested supplemental reading: 

Tradition One (the tradition for the month of January) in depth starting on Red Book page 491

Melody Beattie, “Codependents’ Guide To The Twelve Steps,” page 49 under the heading “As We Understood God” in the Step Three chapter.) See ACAWSO’s Literature Policy: “It has always been accepted that ACA should remain eclectic in choosing literature. That is, ACA meetings may draw from various sources without censorship.”

Suggested supplemental text for 3rd and 4th Step work:

The AlAnon workbook titled “Blueprint for Progress: Al-Anon’s Fourth Step Inventory, Revised” (copyright date 2004, with the black text and deeper blue-and-white-checked cover; available from AlAnon or on Amazon.com.)   See ACAWSO’s Literature Policy: “It has always been accepted that ACA should remain eclectic in choosing literature. That is, ACA meetings may draw from various sources without censorship.”  The section on Spirituality (pgs 84-86) is useful for in-depth Third Step work.

This week’s step study questions are found on page 67 of the yellow workbook under the heading “As We Understand God:”

  1. 1)  Can I ask my Higher Power to be there for me no matter what happens?
  2. Will I be abandoned by God if I don’t work a perfect program of recovery quickly enough?
  3. Why does God refuse to reject me or let me go when I feel unimportant or not worthy?
  4. Can I ask a Higher Power to help me release my most glaring controlling behaviors?
  5. How do I accept God’s unconditional love for me?
  6. What does reparenting myself have to do with Step Three? Who is the “actual parent?” (Hint: Read The Solution on Red Book page 590.)

“Copyrighted by Adult Children of Alcoholics World Service Organization.”

Deep Dive questions:

A. When I “Let Go and Let God” take care of my life, am I willing to follow the guidance I receive?

B. How can I turn a situation over and let go of the results?

C. How can I stop myself from taking my will back?

© Al-Anon’s Paths to Recovery Workbook