Reading assignment for this week:
Yellow workbook pages 137-146 OR BRB pages 235 – 249
Red Book pages 112-114, the “Making Amends” section
Red Book pages 641-643, “A Discussion About Step Eight and Step Nine”
Recommended weekly reading:
“The Laundry List” or “The Problem,” “The Solution,” and “The Promises” on pages 587-591 of the Red Book or in the first several pages of the yellow workbook;
“The Twelve Steps” on pages 91-92 of the Red Book (also on pages 1-2 of the workbook); and
“The Twelve Traditions” on page 592 of the Red Book
Tradition Six (the tradition for the month of June) in depth starting on page 518 of the BRB
Suggested supplemental reading:
Melody Beattie, “Codependents Guide to the Twelve Steps,” the Step Nine chapter, pages 131-152 of the 1990 edition. See ACAWSO’s Literature Policy: “It has always been accepted that ACA should remain eclectic in choosing literature. That is, ACA meetings may draw from various sources without censorship.”
This week’s step study questions are excerpted from the Step Nine worksheet on http://12-steps-recovery.com in conjunction with the yellow workbook, and from Melody Beattie’s book, “Codependents’ Guide to the Twelve Steps” with the author’s permission:
- What is the relationship that is bothering you the most right now? What do you need to do to take care of yourself in that relationship? What would you say if you were free to be entirely honest with that person about your behaviors, your feelings, and what you wanted and needed? How have you discounted yourself or not owned your power in that relationship? How have you discounted or devalued the other person? (© Melody Beattie, Codependents Guide)
- What is the biggest guilt you have right now? Using the Steps as a formula, how can you deal with that, so you can be done with the guilt? (© Melody Beattie, Codependents Guide)
- What amends do you think you have already made? These can include apologies already made, helpful tasks for those you have hurt, changed attitudes, and so forth.
- Have you made your amends to yourself yet? How has that affected your friendship with yourself?
Deep Dive questions:
A. What is my true motive for making amends?
B. How has making amends freed me from feeling responsible for other people’s decisions?
C. What is an appropriate approach to take when making a direct amend would cause harm to others?
© Al-Anon’s Reaching for Personal Freedom Workbook
Following are a few optional exercises you may wish to complete on your own as well:
If you are ready, set some amends goals. For instance, name the people to whom you would like to make amends. Set a reasonable deadline and a goal for apologizing, wherever that is appropriate. Be as specific or as general as you want. You may want to make your goal “to become aware of the people I owe apologies to, then make those amends.” Or you may have a list of names and incidents and want to set a deadline for talking to these people. (© Melody Beattie, Codependents Guide)
From your list of amends, if there are apologies that you need to make, write them down. Read your apologies to a friend or sponsor if possible, or reread them several times to yourself while resisting the temptation to defend yourself or minimize the actions you’re apologizing for. Do your apologies sound defensive? Do they come across as an attack on the other person, or do they sound sincere?
Role play with your friends or sponsor anything you are planning to say during your amends, or speak your amends aloud to yourself in front of a mirror. How do your amends come across? Is your message and body language one of sincere apology?
For any amends you have made, write a self-forgiveness affirmation that helps you let go of guilt. A sample affirmation might read: “I love and accept myself. I have taken responsibility for my behavior with _________, and I am now free to let the past go.” We can also write a similar affirmation about forgiving others: “I have dealt with my feelings toward _________, and I have forgiven him or her. I have let go of my feelings toward him or her, and I allow peace and love to settle into our relationship.” (© Melody Beattie, Codependents Guide)
ACA Workbook Study 