Step Two, Week Two: November 15th, 2023

Reading assignment:

Yellow workbook pages 44 – 50 OR Big Red Book (BRB) pages 130 – 135

Recommended weekly reading:

“The Laundry List” or “The Problem,” “The Solution,” and “The Promises” on pages 587-591 of the Red Book or in the first several pages of the yellow workbook;

“The Twelve Steps” on pages 91-92 of the Red Book (also on pages 1-2 of the workbook); and

“The Twelve Traditions” on page 592 of the Red Book

Suggested supplemental reading: 

Tradition Eleven (the tradition for the month of November) in depth starting on page 549 of the BRB

(available used on Amazon.com for around $4.00 USD.)* See ACAWSO’s Literature Policy: “It has always been accepted that ACA should remain eclectic in choosing literature. That is, ACA meetings may draw from various sources without censorship.”

“Days of Healing, Days of Joy: Daily Meditations for Adult Children” by Earnie Larson and Carol Larson Hegarty (available used on Amazon.com for around $4.00 USD.)* See ACAWSO’s Literature Policy: “It has always been accepted that ACA should remain eclectic in choosing literature. That is, ACA meetings may draw from various sources without censorship.”

This week’s step study questions are found on page 51 of the yellow workbook under the heading “Step Two Questions and Directions”:

7.  What messages did my parents or relatives use to invalidate my perceptions?

8.  Did I numb my feelings or dissociate when my parents cursed, criticized or mistreated me?

9. Do I say I feel insane when in reality I am avoiding naming my feelings?

10. Do I secretly believe I am insane or believe I have an incurable brain disorder?

11. Did my parents abandon me by telling me I was emotionally ill or unstable?

12. Do I feel “crazy” but keep my feelings inside and never talk about such thoughts?

“Copyrighted by Adult Children of Alcoholics World Service Organization.”

Deep Dive questions:

A. How often do you feel like you’re not good enough, or worthless? Where do you suppose that comes from?

© Diana Lea’s AA Powerful 12 Step Workbook

 B. Review the following Signs of Emotional Abuse list and check off which ones you experienced as a child in an alcoholic or dysfunctional home:

1. Making the person feel worthless
2. Putting the blame for one’s mistakes on the other person
3. Minimizing the other person’s point of view
4. Threatening or hinting of physical or sexual abuse
5. Going into fits of rage and anger
6. Failing to fulfill commitments or promises made or implied
7. Lying to avoid responsibility for the truth
8. Refusing to acknowledge the other person’s feelings
9. Verbally or physically humiliating the other person through inappropriate gestures, comments, or “jokes”
10. Using shame or guilt to manipulate the actions of the other person
11. Not allowing the other person to articulate his or her feelings
12. Denying the other person access to his or her personal possessions or pets
13. Withholding financial resources
14. Refusing to communicate with the other person – the silent treatment
15. Displaying extreme ranges of mood
16. Making conditional agreements in which the conditions keep changing to avoid fulfilling the agreement
17. Using a hostile or sarcastic tone of voice with the other person
18. Being critical of each action, thought, or remark of the other person
19. Viewing others as a part of that person’s own personality as opposed to individuals with their own thoughts, feelings, and opinions
20. Belittling, humiliating, marginalizing, and/or ignoring the other person

• Looking over the items you checked off, do you see any patterns emerging between what you put in the past and what is happening in the present?
• If you hesitated and tried to explain away some of the signs, why do you suppose that is?
• As you look back over what you checked off, are you able to identify the one or two signs that did the most damage to your sense of self? Why were these so damaging to you?

© Gregory L. Jantz Ph.D’s Healing The Scars Of Emotional Abuse